Every profession, indeed every societal sub-stratum, employs its peculiar argot.  Sometimes this is celebrated—cf. Cockney Rhyming Slang—other times, the various code words are kept on the down low.  Hey, there’s an example right there.  Hollywood, a demimonde by any definition, makes use of an extensive vocabulary all its own.  Much of the movie business’s lingo has crept into general usage—everybody talks about the back story now, for instance.  But come to think of it, you rarely hear anyone say, “second sticks” outside a sound stage.  No doubt this will become popular soon too. 

Rob Long’s always entertaining Martini Shot for KCRW in L.A. is another instance of a colorful Hollywood expression brought to a wider audience.  (Maybe a rival station will program an Abby Singer segment in what would be a futile and pathetically desperate attempt to poach his audience.)

There’s another Hollywood term—quirky—that I have to confess, drives me utterly and irretrievably mad.  Quirky is deceptive—you think you know what it means.  But you don’t.  Not in L.A.  Normally, quirky connotes “offbeat.”  Sort of odd—eccentric maybe.  Couple of screws loose.  Bananas.  This is not what it means in the film business.  Quirky simply means you’re not a pretty enough girl to be a romantic lead.  Yes, Virginia, it’s the women who are quirky in Hollywood.  “Do you see her for the lead?”  “No, she’d be better as the fat best friend.”  “Oh, too quirky?”  “Exactly.” 

Okay, why does this bother me?  Not sure.  I think it’s because we hate to see a debasing of the language currency.  It should take a bit more effort to be quirky—that is, you should be truly off kilter, really eccentric, genuinely unusual, crazy mad loony.  As it’s used by casting directors, the word means little other than “20 lbs. overweight.”  (…or even 5 lbs. too heavy.  I heard once about a story pitch where the writers proposed a “fat” character.  Fat don’t work in Hollywood so the producers were justifiably wary.  “Do you mean a little fat or Jennifer Anniston fat?” “Oh, no, no, just a little bit plump.” “Okay, thank god.  We want to get this show on the air.”) But back to quirky—Anybody can be 20 lbs. overweight.  No wait, everybody is 20 lbs. overweight.  It takes no effort at all.  In fact, being 20 lbs. overweight puts one at the statistical highpoint of the normal distribution curve—you’re not quirky, you’re average. And average isn’t quirky at all.  By definition.  Or so we thought.  Or so it should be.